Evolution of a Relationship Anarchist

Photo by Will O on Unsplash

I’m bisexual, which means I’m attracted to genders both like and unlike my own.

I’m polyamorous, which means I am open to multiple romantic relationships at the same time.

I’m non-hierarchical, which means I don’t have one top-ranking partner and then a layer of secondary partners who don’t rank as high on my priority list — If I love you, I love you. You’re in.

I’m also a relationship anarchist, which is sometimes a bit harder to explain.

What is relationship anarchy?

Relationship anarchy is, well, anarchy. It’s a lack of rules that govern relationship structures and expectations. RA means that I choose who receives intimacy from me and in what ways, and my relationships don’t always follow a typical plot Rom-Com plot arc.

In that Rom-Com plot arc, you have some standard players: a couple, a friend who feels slighted by their bestie’s new love interest AND/OR a second love interest/ex-lover/pining friend in love with one member of the couple, jealousy and shenanigans, conflict, a big show of affection or redemption, and resolution with a happily ever after.

In our Rom Com example, this means that Person A meets Person B and falls in love, and Person C (the friend) is allowed to have whatever feelings they…