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How to Give and Receive Healthy Feedback in Relationships
I was completely baffled when a past partner told me, “Your list about the kitchen didn’t land like you wanted it to.” I had jotted down a few quick notes on our white board to discuss when he got home that day, asked the questions I needed to ask him, and then went back on about my business. And later, he told me it hadn’t landed well.
Why do we believe that someone checking in means we’re messing something up?
I wasn’t trying to land a joke or be cute. I needed to talk to him about four things in the kitchen. I talked to him. Moment over.
But he took my public note in our shared space as a criticism rather than communication.
Why do we do that?
Why is it that we can so easily turn simple feedback or a check-in into a belief that someone is judging us, or wants us to change, or isn’t happy with us? That someone checking in means we’re messing something up?
I wanted him to put my coffee press away differently and wondered about the recycling. It was not a big deal at all. Except that it was.
Trauma makes simple feedback difficult
When the response to your basic feedback has…
