Member-only story
The Seasonal Nature of Desire
It occurred to me on a chilly November morning, as I once again canceled a date, that my sexual desire fluctuates with the seasons.
In the spring and summer, I am happily swiping on dating apps to meet people. I find myself in new bars and restaurants, surrounded by new people, listening to new music and seeing new things, and it’s a lot of fun. I’ve joked that I have a mating season and I start getting antsy for new partners when the weather warms up.
But dating is also exhausting. Every time I decide to get back on a dating app, it means committing to a round of social exhaustion to schedule and go on several first dates. I go on some dates, see who I have chemistry with, and then things progress from there. Sometimes I feel more of a friendship vibe, sometimes I feel a romantic attraction, sometimes there’s sexual chemistry but not a significant spark on either end so it kinda fizzles out… my relationships can take many forms.
The time of year when I have the energy to do all this is usually the time of year when nature is coming alive. The natural energy of spring and summer makes me want to go out and do things and meet people. And also have sex with some of those people.
That mating season energy has me looking to attract mates who can bring me a shiny rock or do a cool dance. Or buy me tacos.
