What Are We? How to Take On Relationships Without Labels

Photo by Bram. on Unsplash

After two breakups of year-plus relationships this summer, I declared that I needed some time to not be anyone’s girlfriend. I had been in serious relationships for thirteen years straight, hopping from serious coupling to serious coupling with a two week stint being the longest I’d spent without a label on what I meant to someone else.

I’ve been single — that is to say, not somebody’s girlfriend — for five months, and it’s been both liberating and lonely. I have long been defining myself by my relationships, always being the dutiful girlfriend, fiancee, wife. I defined myself by what I could be for other people.

And suddenly I was just Caitlin. Caitlin who has casual sex and friends with benefits and goes on dates but isn’t really dating anyone.

As an aspiring relationship anarchist, I am working to deconstruct the ingrained importance of labels in my mind when it comes to relationships. I am, surprisingly, not perfect at this. Sometimes I’m basically Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory who wants to know what we are and I want to know it now.

Communication is key

The free-fall of just loving someone without society’s net to catch me when it’s scary is a bit…