What It Means to Be “Hard to Love”
The sound of my husband telling me, “You are work, Caitlin. You are work. Who else would be willing to do this?” is solidly burned into my memory.
According to him, he was singularly qualified to have me, because he was willing to do the hard work of loving me.
Not riding the waves of my mental illness, not navigating my eating disorder, not supporting me through the estrangement of my parents, not even handling the expectations of doing weekly housework. No.
The hard part of our relationship was loving me.
What does it mean when we’re “hard to love”?
When you’re hard to love, it means someone thinks that love means doing what they want without compromise or consequence.
It means that when they did something and you said you didn’t like it, their discomfort at finding your boundary is easier spent resenting you than reflecting on their behavior.
I asked my friends if they’ve been told they are hard to love, and for what reason.
“Because I am stubborn, don’t listen, always criticize, and never apologize.”
“Because I’m self-contained.”
“Because everything they said made me mad.”
